Of course online dating also attracts all sorts of insecurities, hangups, and issues as well. From people who overshare every detail of their life on a first date to people who seem completely disgruntled  by the idea of actually dating, if you date enough people online you are bound to run across a few men or women like this. One particularly funny phenomenon certainly not exclusive to online dating is the Name Dropper. Online dating lets you invent a profile, a life, lets you share just enough about yourself to appear interesting, witty, sexy and successful. And it also lets you invent your friends.

Sometimes your friends are Paul Newman and Bruce Springsteen. Sometimes you are writing a book
- a novel about your time on the road with Bob Dylan. Sometimes you taught Tom Cruise how to surf. And sometimes one person in a small Midwestern city has miraculously done all of these things.

It’s certainly easy enough to see through the fabrications of our invented online lives. Some of them are obvious – height or weight differences, a noticeable difference in ages, but some of them, – like serial name dropping – are slightly harder to spot. Is this person truly fascinating, or have they invented stories in order to appear so on a first date?

When I go on an online date i’m not looking for name dropping or stories of exploits with movie stars. I’m looking for sincere, easy conversation with a person who is passionate and exciting. For whatever reason, sometimes in the sea of online dating, this can be hard to find.

be2 learned the hard way that it can be quite harmful for business when all of these aspects are not adequately taken into consideration. A year ago, a Danish journalist reported on be2, which had been gaining popularity in the Scandinavian country, and found that several aspects of the be2 service hadn’t been adequately adapted to local conditions in Denmark.

be2 reacted immediately and made the required changes – a smart move, as the membership numbers in Denmark are steadily increasing and customer satisfaction has since improved. Additional local call center agents have also been hired in order to help the Danish customers.

The TV station has in the meantime adapted the story on their homepage accordingly.

The aspects of the be2 matchmaking service questioned by the journalist range from comprehension of the messaging system to technical issues, and were all resolved. The full list of criticisms and improvements is listed below:

1. The journalist suggested that members signed up for the be2 Premium Membership believing they had received personal messages from other members, although these messages were sent by be2. This proved to be a misunderstanding, as be2 offers an optional service, agreed to during the initial questionnaire, which can automatically send messages based on certain activities on the site to increase matching chances. These messages are shown to the sending user in their outbox, the feature can be turned off in the settings, and it is explained in detail on the site.

2. The Danish TV show also questioned the amount of personal messages received by members once they had paid for a Premium Membership, but admitted that the contact guarantee that is part of the purchase  cancels out any potential shortcomings in this department, as members receive free upgrades until 10 contacts to other members have been made. See details on the success guarantee here: http://www.be2.dk/guest/static.jsp?page=science

Success Guarantee

3. The Online Cancellation Process was the core complaint addressed by the program. be2 had apparently underestimated the unwillingness of Danish consumers to accept this process, which is standard procedure in many other countries, and has subsequently adapted to the needs expressed by the Danish customers. In an official statement to the journalist on the cancellation process, a be2 representative stated that “be2 has responded to concerns raised by its customers about the cancellation process and since your last program the cancellation process has been further improved for the customers. A customer who wishes to cancel their Premium Membership is no longer required to send his termination with a signature, but can easily end the contract online. We are more confident than ever that we have a customer friendly cancellation system.“  be2 were also able to clarify that they do, in fact,  accept e-mail cancellations, contrary to the fax-only cancellation wrongly assumed by the journalist.

4. However, there were also certain aspects of the Premium Membership that were not in accordance with Danish regulations such as the automatic renewal of the membership according to a subscription model, which is standard practice in other countries. In Denmark, the specific legislation is different and changes were made to reflect that. A review in Q 1/ 2011 included all items raised by the journalist.

5.  Having found it difficult to contact be2, the journalist questioned the availability of customer service agents for Danish customers. be2 has since improved the average response time for all Danish customers from 34 hours to 24 hours.

6.  The reporters on the program did a trial personality test, which supposedly showed flaws in the that the scientific test and they claimed that the resulting profiles received messages from a fake Russian member.  be2 pointed out that a valid test scenario includes users across different genders, age-groups, locations, photo settings, and communication behaviour on be2 and that the trial test had not produced a valid trial profile, rather a fake one that would not be matched with real users. The proven success factors for be2 members include completing the profile beyond the personality test, uploading several photos and communicating actively – which had not been done in the trial. be2 also referred the journalists to the customer service team dedicated to researching and fighting fake profiles on the platform. The team is supported by a variety of risk assessment algorithms to ensure that fake profiles are quickly detected and blocked.

be2 now continuously runs customer satisfaction surveys in Denmark, based on the Net Promoter Score model, to assess the current customer satisfaction levels of members and improve the product based on this quantitative and qualitative feedback. All specific customer complaints raised by the journalist were resolved satisfactorily. It goes to show that it is well worth listening to your customers and adapting to the different needs of customers in different markets.

You go on a date. It’s lovely. The conversation is good, the wine flows, there is affection, laughter, and a glimmer of anticipation for a second, or even third date. At the end of the night you kiss goodbye – often a real kiss, a lingering kiss that makes you certain you will see this person who you chose from their online dating profile again.

You agonize for a few days. Should you call? Should you text? Should you send them a message through their profile? How about friend them on your preferred social media site? Finally you do it. A brief message, charming, witty, exclaiming how you would like to see them again. You hit send. You wait.

And you wait. And you never hear back. He just never calls again. This has happened to all of us, and we’ve done it all. Texts go ignored, messages are deleted. Sometimes you try again – “Hey don’t know if you got my last message but I’d love to grab a drink sometime soon” While this is the major plot line for at least half of the Romantic Comedies for rent, the frequency of this event doesn’t make it less troubling.

What is it about online dating that lets us feel like people aren’t worth a call back? Why do we fawn over people for weeks – sending messages to their online profiles, having witty text message conversations -only to drop them without notice if there isn’t some magical “spark?” And what about the simple words “I don’t this this will work,” or “I had a nice time but…” seem so hard to say?

The only thing worse than realizing that YOU aren’t ready to date is realizing – halfway through an expensive meal or cup of coffee- that your date is not ready to date. There are telltale signs of this, most of which have to do with compulsive oversharing. You take a sip of coffee and try not to spit it out when your date starts talking about their ex wife, (they were married?) child,(what?) or personal problems with their boss/roommate/mother. You start realizing their profile was fairly sparse – no references to family or friends, just a beautiful abstract picture of an interesting person. An interesting person who clearly has enough baggage to fill a small mansion.

From marriages and divorces (or even better, separations), to lengthy soliloquies about ex girlfriends who slighted them a mere two months ago, the oversharing date can be an awkward experience. To find out in the span of an hour about your dates personal failures, hygienic habits, and marital problems can be too much. But what can you do? You grin, sip your wine, sympathize about how it couldn’t have been that bad and then dart home to continue the cycle of browsing online dating profiles, hoping the next date doesn’t have quite so much to share.

Sometimes, however, that internet personal can collide with your real life identity. Online dating is the perfect place for this to happen. People only know who you are online, and the foundation of your relationship is through IMing and profile pictures. It’s easy to fall into a trap of wanting to stay there – that comfortable land of shared photos and witty messages.

But when you meet in person, the online persona must fade away. Real conversation over a glass of wine or a nice dinner should replace texts about going out. Photos fade to actual interaction. Or, they should. One memorable online acquaintance had a hard time with this idea. He took pictures of everything, from what he was eating last night, to other dates he was on. The smart phone seemed designed just so he could snap photos and email them. He even went so far as to send a 30 second video of a fountain. Nothing happened; it was just a picturesque fountain sitting there. For 30 seconds.

It seemed this man wanted to live his life as if it were his online dating profile. Controlled, simple, in snapshots. He would ask for photos. “What are you doing? Send me a photo!” or “What are you eating tonight? I want to see a picture.” Photos, smartphones, profiles – these almost eclipsed his reality and made really getting to know him impossible. Someone should tell this man – cut the internet connection, get outside, and talk to your date. It’s much better than a picture.

I came to work one day to find a coworker visibly irritated. She had gone on a first date the night before, and bluntly said “it was the worst date of my life.” From start to end the gentlemen who had seemed so promising online was a let down in real life. He didn’t own a car, so asked to be picked up and dropped off. He didn’t have much cash, so instead of taking her on a date as promised, he hemmed and hawed about wanting to stay in. He didn’t really want to stay in, so he took her to Kentuky Fried Chicken, ordered his own food, and didn’t offer her anything.

At the liquor store she said “I will drink anything but tequila,” so of course the gentleman in question bought a $10 bottle of tequila to go with his KFC. And then asked her if she wanted to spend the night. She declined.

From cheap booze to cheap food, the inability to move out of one’s comfort zone can be a pitfall to meeting people online. While a night on the couch with a bottle of liquor and a bucket of fried chicken is a fine Friday night for a couple who has moved passed romance and dating, for a first date it shows a lack of imagination. It appears this man wanted to date, but didn’t want the work of wooing, of listening to his date, or of going outside his own comfort zone. $20 and a little creativity can go a long way towards an exciting and memorable night, but sadly in this case the night was just memorable, and has gone down in history as The Worst Date Ever.

However, sometimes people’s passions and hobbies can tell you more about a person than several dates or conversations. They lead a lifestyle that simply has no room for you, and one that you cannot imagine trying out. For some it might be skydiving or marathon running. For others it might be charity work or exotic animal collecting. Take, for example, the committed nudist. The committed nudist was a charming man, a lawyer. Successful, handsome. A slightly older man with a dignified salt-and-pepper streak. Even though he had just hit his early 40’s, he had never been married. His passions were his work and his hobby…of taking vacations to nudist colonies. Any woman he was going to date would find herself naked in more places than the bedroom.

For some of us, the committed nudist would have been fascinating. For others, weird. His commitment to his hobby was so unwavering that it left little room for conversation. You either took him as he was – naked, and proud – or moved on to the next date and hoped for a slightly more mainstream choice of after-work activities. With so many people (with so many hobbies!) choosing to meet their mates online, finding a partner who shares your passions should be easy to do.

A friend told me of a conversations he had with a man she had met online. After a few weeks of chatting online they had graduated to a late night phone conversation, and discussed meeting for drinks. “There is something you should know,” he shared reluctantly. “I’m not really 45, i’m 57.” This my friend could deal with, although it was strange. “Also, i’m not really 5’8”, i’m 5’5”.” Again, strange. And later on? “I’m deathly allergic to cats and dogs so I could never come over. But I think this could work.” It was all she could do to let him down gently and not laugh at his incredible persistence. She was looking for real compansionship, not a compromise. “I think this could work” well, never works.

I think this could work. Those words get us into more trouble with ourselves than any date gone wrong. A cat-hating older man will not want to date a woman who works at an animal rescue. A lawyer who works 80 hours a week will not be available for weeknight cooking classes. We are who we are, but when you are faced with the many fascinating people who choose online dating, it’s easy to want what we cant have, and to keep telling ourselves “I think this could work.”

Online dating profiles are known to lie. We know this. Online dating is all about presenting yourself in the most desirable light; the picture that shows you in the sexiest pose, the favorite movie that shares just enough of your persona, the witty banter that can only occur over late night text message. The photos, however, are the worst for me. I’m constantly second guessing myself: “is that (insert name here?) by the bar? What if it isn’t? What if I head that way and it’s not him and then I look like a fool?” Not knowing exactly who I am meeting has caused me no end of hesitant entrances and uncomfortable first dates.

Of course, I have never actually walked up to the wrong person on a first date, nor has my date been lying in their photos. Most people who use online dating websites are sincere; they don’t want their date running out the door screaming. So while I might shave off a few pounds when I post my profile, and my date might not actually be a 6’2” football player, I’ve never had anyone lie. That first few moments of looking around and texting “I’m here! I’m by the window in the purple beret!” always leads to being greeted by just who I was expecting, just in the flesh rather than in an online photo.

The first time I signed up for an online dating website I struck up a conversation (via message at first, then via IM and even texting) with a young 20-something gentleman who lived in my neighborhood. He seemed charming, engaging, and genuinely interesting. We exchanged messages for several days before ascending to the realm of instant messaging and text messaging. I learned about his family life, his desire to move out of the city, and his professional goals. We batted around the idea of meeting “IRL” or in person, but never did.

After a week or so of nonstop messaging I realized that we were never going to meet. As one does with online dating, I shrugged it off and continued browsing the many online profiles of men with similar interests to mine. And then it happened again, and again. After several days of in-depth, long, and detailed messages the phrase “we should grab coffee/a drink/a beer/a movie” would be met with resounding silence, and the man in question would never be heard from again. I couldn’t help but feel that my proposals to meet in person were somehow terrifying and scared potential dates off. And I couldn’t help but find this very strange.

Something about the anonymity of the internet breeds this; we spend hours searching out a potential mate only to shrug off meeting in public. For whatever reason, it seems the transition from the security of profile pictures and witty messages can be the hardest part of daring online.